"Stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours."
Other names: Mr Blue, the other one, Mr Clean (speculation)
Bioform: Human
Native zone: Grey zone
Residence: The Hospital, Plank Maze
Occupation: Patient
Likes: Unexistalizing monsters, insulting
Dislikes: Company, "monsters"
Blog: His journal
Jay is a fellow human patient found in the Plank Maze within Dr Tori's surgical ward. Just like Fern, he is an unnatural color and has been fleeing from the clutches of the Hospital staff. He is immensely condescending, vituperative, and unpleasant. It is currently unclear if he is the patient from "Doctor Phage's Hospital".

Description Edit

Jay is a human grey zoner who appeared in the Hospital apparently after puking his guts out and blacking out. He is glowing a strange blue which, oddly enough, is perceived even by Fern. He briefly joined Fern but he much rather be alone as he sees other patients as slowing him down and distrusting them. He met other human patients before and all of them got discharged after healing (often on their own). This makes him frustrated and hateful since he is around for a long time. He did die in the past only to wake up in his room thousands of times again, but every time he wakes up he has his injury replaced with a new one which he remembers having it all the time and never fixed. When first arrived, he had no visible external injury. His encounter with Dr Man made him distrusting to those who look human. His main weapon is also replaced in the same way. When Fern first meets him, he had a gun and his left arm was in a cast and sling. But after his subsequent death, Jay awakens in his room with that arm fine but now wearing an eyepatch and also his gun being replaced with a machete. In the next respawning he gets a broken neck and a nailed bat.

Before the Hospital, he was an office worker and he remembers getting his current injury from an office fire incident. He had a wife named Karen with who he is divorced more than seven years and she died two years before Jay arrival to the Hospital.

Jay's number one defining trait is that he's a jerk. He's a realistically unpleasant, argumentative, impolite, and rude guy to contrast with the antagonists so far, which are much eviler yet very wacky and inhuman. Also, the author admitted he's meant to be irremediably hateful. Refuses to treat Fern's struggles with any respect, seems insistent on one-upping her problems with his own, and peppers their conversation with snide insults. He is also prone to violent mood swings going from bored, to scared, to violent, to excited all in the span of less than a minute. He may not be as directly tied to the Hospital's machinations as Fern has found herself, but he's been stuck there much longer than her. He is extremely racist and xenophobic, so he hates the Hospital's monsters with a passion, killing them on sight. He kills any non-human he sees even if they are of no threat or are trying to give free food. He even goes a step further and unexisting them. He knows how to cause this, by "burying" the corpses of those he killed in the corridor maze, "out of the map". He is also a coward. When Jay senses he's in trouble, he'll try to turn someone else into the fall guy. He tries to give a "I've been there, seen everything" vibe but the way he freaks out when ever he sees something unexpected says otherwise.

But despite all his faults he is nonetheless a skilled survivalist. Consistently relies on stealth and ambushes to get around the Hospital. He's willing to eat food more suited for non-humans in the name of staying alive, even if he doesn't know for sure if food is really needed for him in this place. He is not suffering from any form of mental illness, however he's just a huge jerk. He is more or less a trigger-happy, unpredictable, and destructive sociopath, a serial killer of inhuman beings. He is easily the most evil companion Fern has ever had and since he actually unexistalized people, he is possibly one of the most evil characters yet.

He first wielded a handgun which according to the author is the same one the Crooked Spine tried to sell Fern earlier. But unlike before, it now has both bullets and a trigger. The ammo only runs out when you least expect it. After his second death in the webcomic, his gun was replaced with a machete which he remembers having from the very beginning. After the next death, his weapon was a nailed bat.

Also, Jay apparently transforms into a Slob (Jayslob) at some times. First seen mere minutes after he and Fern parted company, she finds him in the organ bank eating some Hospital worker's brain. Jay's injured arm transformed into that of a Slob. His mind went right along with his arm and he attacked her on sight. During battle, Jay's body keept twisting until he fully became a Slob. Even in his human form, Jay has Slob abilities but he's unaware of it since he can't remember it clearly. His secret move in battle temporarily turns him and he loses consciousness, blacking out. This move does massive damage to enemies but shortens the time needed to become full Slob. He even gets an infection meter in his own pages. The more the meter depletes, the more deranged he gets. He'll do things like scream at a maggoty cheese monster as though it were an illegal Mexican immigrant, and refer to a shower as something "tasty". Jay's infection "snatches" his body as he transforms into a Slob. It's unclear at what exact point in his mutations that Jay's consciousness gets replaced by a new Slob consciousness. But once this happens, Dr Tori sets to work crafting Jay an all-new human body. It's known that the "eye-based" Jay Slob doesn't self-identify as being Jay, referring to Jay as "that bad ol meenman!" At an earlier point in time, Jay once got killed by a foot-based Slob of himself, which effectively proves that Jay doesn't need to die as a Slob for Tori to revive him as a human.

At one point in the comic, the commenters get to see things from his perspective and guide him as head voices. He has his own patient room which got consumed by the Plank Maze, a cancerous wooden maze which continues to grow in the Hospital, overtaking certain rooms and greatly altering the layout. He's got a notebook in his room which is his journal. The entries are always out of order and some entries that are yet to be written can appear before they're written in the future. There's also an entry written in the year 2026. There's a load of tally marks and calculations on Jay's walls, as well as a drawing of Bill Cipher. There's also a stuffed dummy named Harold which he used to talk to. Now he uses it for stress relief. The TV in his room is where Crash appears and talks with Jay, usually which annoys him very much. Jay tried smashing the TV but it regenerates with each wake-up. Crash manipulated Jay into being afraid of Fern by twisting the truth, describing her as a murderous and dangerous monster.

When he was about to transform into Eyeslob, a silhouette of the Parliament can be seen in the background, implying they are responsible for his condition. It's possible that all Jay's murdering might well be secretly directed and influenced by them, all without his knowledge of their existence.

Later Crash who, as a last ditch effort to stop Fern from putting his core in stasis, breaks Jay's entire skeleton to turn him into a massive slob, called Final Jayslob. This attempt fails as Final Jayslob was defeated by Fern and Willis and because Fern approved a core swapping operation that was in progress at the moment, it ends with Jay replacing Chip as the new barista. He is now referred to as Joe, but he still retains his resentment towards Fern. Jay also had a dream sequence where he was made out of coffee and emerged out of a cup.


  • LVL: 12
  • ATK: 10
  • HP: 9
  • Moves: Slash, Shriek, Item, ????

First Appearance Edit

In Awful Hospital.

Trivia Edit

  • His name is a pun on blue jay birds.
  • The author said that the gun is the type "the one I can draw".
  • Some fans have speculated that he is Mr Clean, although others believe that this is unlikely, for various reasons.
  • Jay has encountered Kidney Stone Mother in the past and after learning that Fern killed her he's even more afraid of Fern.
  • On the walls of his room there's a drawing of Bill Cipher from Gravity Falls and the number 42. 42 is a reference to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, in which the number 42 is "the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything". However, the actual question to which 42 is the answer remains unknown.
  • According to Crash, Jay's ever-changing injuries and weapons are caused by his "busted existosphere".
  • His level dropping scream is comparable to that of Dr Smith's from Lost in Space.
  • When Fern visits his room, Harold is missing.
  • He once found out that pianos can be carnivorous.

Gallery Edit